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  • alteredseo

surrender - poem

Updated: Jan 3



Stuck,

On a thought

I can’t break away from it.


What makes the world?

Or even more closely,

The ground I walk on?




If I could see all the dirt and earth stretched out.

Before my eyes, I’m sure appear to be boundless.


Wavering,

Out on a line

A thousand feet high.

No safety net waiting to catch you

If a swift force of wind knocks you out.


Swaying from,

Peace to unrest

Grief to love.

Constantly.

Trying to find a balance.

Between a fluid conflict of conquests and crises...


No breaks from humanity's rat race.


Rampant consumption.

Crippling chase of attainment

Thruway culture fixated and

Swallowed by satisfaction.

Scandal and entertainment.

Sometimes I feel like a slave

Slowly stumbling to my grave.



It’s a shame and


Hazy thoughts stemming from an awareness of a personal layer.

Until recently it was out of site.

I was just another player. Acting out my part. Common stock character.

While everything I knew,

Became what I know

& the air was temperature-controlled yet still out of my hand.

The randomness of life as it unfolds normalized,

Even during the midst of chaos.

Comfort in my surroundings.

Power of familiarity.

Simply outstanding.


Chillax, kick back hang around

While the world changes.

Natural selection carrying out thorough market predation

Razorblade survival of the best ideas

In the economic ecosystem

Save yourself save your skin,

It's you and no one else.

Choice and purchase.

How I’m selecting heaven or hell


Was always worried

On how I should spend

Time.

Life on my phone to

Blind

To see past its the fuzzy glow

Too busy to find a raison d’etre

Slowly slipping into an ever-so-slightly growing

By the second void of time

Toil around

While I work to produce a reward that is not

Mine.

Compensated with a slice of earnings

Pie

And with that, I can buy what I want which I can

Now see clearly was never really my

Time.

Purchase a distraction. Hopefully, it’ll buzz my

Mind.


Crow


Awake.

I stumble out of bed

N get ready 4 the day

I glanced at myself

In the mirror and

Was glad to look away


After,

I came back and stared

At my own gaze.

As much as I could make out

In the misty haze

Its weird the lack of ability after so many decades

To fully picture or even recognize my own face

Never sure of how it displays emotions comes off naturally or inflects

When speaking proof lie is never done changing.


How composed is my being

Blood coursing through my veins

And cells running operationally

All day long

Constant firing of neurons body and mind communicating.

And all of it is activated by eating and breathing.

One giant primordial meat bag.


Out my window

There’s a dude slogging through the street

Something crooked about his walk. Jagged feet


Wondering if he stands higher or lower on

The socially stratified ladder.

Are we equal?

Who’s freer you out there

Or me in here

Or are with both in A Truman esque world

We both can’t see ourselves out of.

Can’t escape the scheme of power

Hierarchy.

Never free from the concept of the pyramid.


Is life worth living?

If you ignore your passions


Humans are entranced by chaos.

Such a bore

Got to catch a wave

One day

I’ll wake up

N be great

One day I’ll find

Myself looking from

The other side of the portal

I’ll have a name and legacy.

I’m sure one day I won’t look back

At what was unknowingly my hay day

I wonder if it’s too late

How soon is the Peek?

How good will the climax be?

The journey is gurgling or

Am I already spiraling out?


I’m sure I’ll awake

This time I’m sure

I’ll get it right

N find me

Outside of my shell

Removed from a personal hell

Caught between success and fame

A dream born out of shallow water

Projected out of vanity

Profane profanity


Game of appearance

A mirage of bleak spirits

Game of physical flexing

Constantly promoting and self-manifesting

And showing the world your best self

It’s me online today. Me on holiday hoping on the trend of eating food again with friends.

And I won’t pretend my life wouldn’t be the same

Without all the modern stories I’ve witnessed


Done with breakfast

brushed down quick waffle plus bacon

Out for a stroll

Aimless as fuck today

Today’s the day to ignore one’s mistakes

And make a mockery out of all the monstrosities

We live side by side with

Built on the precedent of lies

Lost long ago was the inflammatory element of surprise

I take that back Kobe's death really made

Me think twice about the unexpectedness of life.


how do find truth

in a realm so infused

n intertwined with the

realm of making belief

modern stories.

Old folklore it’s all the same thing

They are the stories we project and connect our lives with

Physical structures

Looking up at skyscrapers

Who are always looking down and never on par with me

Am I unique

N distinct or just another kindred indifferent individual.

A drop while at the same time part of the rain.

Just one branch on the lien of human ancestry.


Valued qualities

Our sworn solidarity to another.

Identity decisions.

What separations from other nations

Crime riddled with hunger and poverty but our own

But our lack of acknowledgment of the lack to

Come up with a solution to advance both

Including those cut off from our world view.

The crime and devastation of the ignominies we speak of

Are so much larger than anyone of us.

Small world no small you.

Living near production because what we do is sell ourselves

Hardly free from work I live close to I sell my time.

My labor my experience.


I digress.

How much am I self-determined

How much of myself is my own

And how much

Some people believe that are truly free.

That belief could never be held by me.


I’m a product of my family’s line n collective mind

Built partially my environmental influence

And the relationship between me feels like a waste

But sometimes you got to jump ship to get out of shit t

That you can’t walk away from.

Debilitating habits that have us sliding toward rock bottom

Got to work swimming float to find new ground.

Open your mind to new places you could walk and act around.



Out of all possibilities

This hair, this body this void

This is part of the Big Five personality traits

Had to suffer abject misery just to make me

Had to self-therapy just to cope

]

Apathy cuts in all directions

Especially when you know all things end

Just like that you know civilizations all end

Terror instilled in a depressive state

Life is a game and should be played with your stakes high

String yourself out.

Find out what you are about.


Have to fail fail fail

Till you can get the idea of

What works

So you can learn to piece together a life you could call mine

Knowing you are happy simply on the ability to succeed

In what you want.

You got a whole trial to hold yourself on the stand for. Notice all the imprints that were bestowed unto you. All words you speak and have been spoken to.

All the ideas in the world that were never exposed t you

Be curious

About all that could be

New to you

Think of what could change if you knew em due


With patience, we shall elucidate and understand anything

A whole world with possibility and mystery

Thrills for you and me and the whole to go around

To find a life

You didn’t ghost into but intentionally sought out and walked into.

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