Stuck,
On a thought
I can’t break away from it.
What makes the world?
Or even more closely,
The ground I walk on?
If I could see all the dirt and earth stretched out.
Before my eyes, I’m sure appear to be boundless.
Wavering,
Out on a line
A thousand feet high.
No safety net waiting to catch you
If a swift force of wind knocks you out.
Swaying from,
Peace to unrest
Grief to love.
Constantly.
Trying to find a balance.
Between a fluid conflict of conquests and crises...
No breaks from humanity's rat race.
Rampant consumption.
Crippling chase of attainment
Thruway culture fixated and
Swallowed by satisfaction.
Scandal and entertainment.
Sometimes I feel like a slave
Slowly stumbling to my grave.
It’s a shame and
Hazy thoughts stemming from an awareness of a personal layer.
Until recently it was out of site.
I was just another player. Acting out my part. Common stock character.
While everything I knew,
Became what I know
& the air was temperature-controlled yet still out of my hand.
The randomness of life as it unfolds normalized,
Even during the midst of chaos.
Comfort in my surroundings.
Power of familiarity.
Simply outstanding.
Chillax, kick back hang around
While the world changes.
Natural selection carrying out thorough market predation
Razorblade survival of the best ideas
In the economic ecosystem
Save yourself save your skin,
It's you and no one else.
Choice and purchase.
How I’m selecting heaven or hell
Was always worried
On how I should spend
Time.
Life on my phone to
Blind
To see past its the fuzzy glow
Too busy to find a raison d’etre
Slowly slipping into an ever-so-slightly growing
By the second void of time
Toil around
While I work to produce a reward that is not
Mine.
Compensated with a slice of earnings
Pie
And with that, I can buy what I want which I can
Now see clearly was never really my
Time.
Purchase a distraction. Hopefully, it’ll buzz my
Mind.
Crow
Awake.
I stumble out of bed
N get ready 4 the day
I glanced at myself
In the mirror and
Was glad to look away
After,
I came back and stared
At my own gaze.
As much as I could make out
In the misty haze
Its weird the lack of ability after so many decades
To fully picture or even recognize my own face
Never sure of how it displays emotions comes off naturally or inflects
When speaking proof lie is never done changing.
How composed is my being
Blood coursing through my veins
And cells running operationally
All day long
Constant firing of neurons body and mind communicating.
And all of it is activated by eating and breathing.
One giant primordial meat bag.
Out my window
There’s a dude slogging through the street
Something crooked about his walk. Jagged feet
Wondering if he stands higher or lower on
The socially stratified ladder.
Are we equal?
Who’s freer you out there
Or me in here
Or are with both in A Truman esque world
We both can’t see ourselves out of.
Can’t escape the scheme of power
Hierarchy.
Never free from the concept of the pyramid.
Is life worth living?
If you ignore your passions
Humans are entranced by chaos.
Such a bore
Got to catch a wave
One day
I’ll wake up
N be great
One day I’ll find
Myself looking from
The other side of the portal
I’ll have a name and legacy.
I’m sure one day I won’t look back
At what was unknowingly my hay day
I wonder if it’s too late
How soon is the Peek?
How good will the climax be?
The journey is gurgling or
Am I already spiraling out?
I’m sure I’ll awake
This time I’m sure
I’ll get it right
N find me
Outside of my shell
Removed from a personal hell
Caught between success and fame
A dream born out of shallow water
Projected out of vanity
Profane profanity
Game of appearance
A mirage of bleak spirits
Game of physical flexing
Constantly promoting and self-manifesting
And showing the world your best self
It’s me online today. Me on holiday hoping on the trend of eating food again with friends.
And I won’t pretend my life wouldn’t be the same
Without all the modern stories I’ve witnessed
Done with breakfast
brushed down quick waffle plus bacon
Out for a stroll
Aimless as fuck today
Today’s the day to ignore one’s mistakes
And make a mockery out of all the monstrosities
We live side by side with
Built on the precedent of lies
Lost long ago was the inflammatory element of surprise
I take that back Kobe's death really made
Me think twice about the unexpectedness of life.
how do find truth
in a realm so infused
n intertwined with the
realm of making belief
modern stories.
Old folklore it’s all the same thing
They are the stories we project and connect our lives with
Physical structures
Looking up at skyscrapers
Who are always looking down and never on par with me
Am I unique
N distinct or just another kindred indifferent individual.
A drop while at the same time part of the rain.
Just one branch on the lien of human ancestry.
Valued qualities
Our sworn solidarity to another.
Identity decisions.
What separations from other nations
Crime riddled with hunger and poverty but our own
But our lack of acknowledgment of the lack to
Come up with a solution to advance both
Including those cut off from our world view.
The crime and devastation of the ignominies we speak of
Are so much larger than anyone of us.
Small world no small you.
Living near production because what we do is sell ourselves
Hardly free from work I live close to I sell my time.
My labor my experience.
I digress.
How much am I self-determined
How much of myself is my own
And how much
Some people believe that are truly free.
That belief could never be held by me.
I’m a product of my family’s line n collective mind
Built partially my environmental influence
And the relationship between me feels like a waste
But sometimes you got to jump ship to get out of shit t
That you can’t walk away from.
Debilitating habits that have us sliding toward rock bottom
Got to work swimming float to find new ground.
Open your mind to new places you could walk and act around.
Out of all possibilities
This hair, this body this void
This is part of the Big Five personality traits
Had to suffer abject misery just to make me
Had to self-therapy just to cope
]
Apathy cuts in all directions
Especially when you know all things end
Just like that you know civilizations all end
Terror instilled in a depressive state
Life is a game and should be played with your stakes high
String yourself out.
Find out what you are about.
Have to fail fail fail
Till you can get the idea of
What works
So you can learn to piece together a life you could call mine
Knowing you are happy simply on the ability to succeed
In what you want.
You got a whole trial to hold yourself on the stand for. Notice all the imprints that were bestowed unto you. All words you speak and have been spoken to.
All the ideas in the world that were never exposed t you
Be curious
About all that could be
New to you
Think of what could change if you knew em due
With patience, we shall elucidate and understand anything
A whole world with possibility and mystery
Thrills for you and me and the whole to go around
To find a life
You didn’t ghost into but intentionally sought out and walked into.